Literature

Illustration by Nick Lu

Thank you to all the alumni who submitted a MAD LIB! We’ve read more than 100 wacky stories and picked a few favorites to share. Read them below!

Didn’t get a chance to create your  MAD LIB? You can still complete one below!

Create your MAD LIB

Connor Atlas Lie-Spahn CC’12

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of the Fall of Icarus. Behind the counter is Sancho Panza ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Immanuel Kant with headphones on and reading Song of Stravinsky, loudly slurping an Iliad shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Gregorian Chant musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carman bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Rembrandt who shouts, “Hey Odysseus, grab me a Muse deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Bella Barnes CC’22

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Las Meninas. Behind the counter is Satan from Paradise Lost ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Sojourner Truth with headphones on and reading Song of Hildegard von Bingen, loudly slurping an If Not, Winter shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Jazz musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Hartley bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Jean Michel-Basquiat who shouts, “Hey Dido, grab me a Pungent deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Aaron CC’94

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Water Lilies. Behind the counter is Faust ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Hume with headphones on and reading Song of Berlioz, loudly slurping a Labyrinths shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Romantic musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carman bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Bernini who shouts, “Hey Hegel, grab me a Souffle deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Joseph Kannry CC’82

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Monet's Houses of Parliament. Behind the counter is Achilles ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Adam Smith with headphones on and reading Song of Strauss, loudly slurping a Crime and Punishment shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Classical musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carmen bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Homer who shouts, “Hey Karl Marx, grab me an Exhausting deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Karen McCally CC’91

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Broadway Boogie Woogie. Behind the counter is Agamemnon ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Immanuel Kant with headphones on and reading Song of Schoenberg, loudly slurping an Aeneid shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Romantic musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carman bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Jackson Pollock who shouts, “Hey Sappho, grab me an Imitative polyphony deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Jori Grossman CC’18

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of the Garden of Earthly Delights. Behind the counter is Don Quixote ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Mary Wollstonecraft with headphones on and reading Song of Franz Schubert, loudly slurping a Paradise Lost shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Baroque musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Owl House bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Andy Warhol who shouts, “Hey Fyodor Dostoevsky, grab me an Expansive deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Peter D. Lowitt CC’64

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Nightwatch. Behind the counter is Homer ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Rodin with headphones on and reading Song of Beethoven, loudly slurping an Iliad shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Dizzy musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from New Hall bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Rembrandt who shouts, “Hey Teacher, grab me an Enlightening deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Po Linn Chia CC’13

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Saturn Devouring His Son. Behind the counter is Herodotus ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Montaigne with headphones on and reading Song of Bach, loudly slurping an In Search of Lost Time shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Renaissance musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Wallach bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Goya who shouts, “Hey Kant, grab me a Survey deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Al Bundonis CC’88

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of the Birth of Venus. Behind the counter is Laertes ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Machiavelli with headphones on and reading Song of Mozart, loudly slurping an Inferno shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Rock n Roll musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carmen bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Rodin who shouts, “Hey Wallace Gray, grab me a Tedious deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Ana Salper CC’96

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Van Gogh's Haystacks. Behind the counter is Virgil ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Immanuel Kant with headphones on and reading Song of Luciano Berio, loudly slurping a Prince shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Baroque musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carman bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Toulouse-Lautrec who shouts, “Hey Plato, grab me a Debate deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Paul Neshamkin CC’63

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of the the Parthenon. Behind the counter is Pantagruel ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Hume with headphones on and reading Song of Bach, loudly slurping a Don Quixote shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Baroque musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from New Hall bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Cezanne who shouts, “Hey Plato, grab me a Dialectic deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Maria Sun CC’18

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of St. Paul's Cathedral. Behind the counter is Augustine ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Kant with headphones on and reading Song of Verdi, loudly slurping a Crime and Punishment shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Romantic musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Wallach bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Monet who shouts, “Hey Mondrian, grab me a Structure deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Harmony Graziano CC’19

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of Les Demoiselles d'Avignon. Behind the counter is Satan ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Al-Ghazali with headphones on and reading Song of Hector Berlioz, loudly slurping a Symposium shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Romantic musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carman bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Rembrandt who shouts, “Hey Sappho, grab me a Deantini deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Mark A. Momjian CC’83

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of The Gross Clinic. Behind the counter is Antigone ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Aristotle with headphones on and reading Song of Vivaldi, loudly slurping a Pride and Prejudice shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Gregorian Chant musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from Carmen bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Rembrandt who shouts, “Hey Freud, grab me a Humanism deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”

Dina Kotkin Feivelson CC’91

You stumble into Tom’s at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday and it’s like a scene out of the Pieta. Behind the counter is Odysseus ready to take your order. Over at a table by the window you see Karl Marx with headphones on and reading Song of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, loudly slurping a Frankenstein shake. The booths are starting to fill up as some local Baroque musicians come in; suddenly a raucous crew from John Jay bursts through the doors led by that loudmouth Michaelangelo who shouts, “Hey Socrates, grab me a Required deluxe, and tell ‘em to make it nice!!”